Brush

Brush.

Brush the past off my shoulders

Vestiges of me echoing in memory's halls

I saw you there, clearly in my dream

Homeless wanderer, knocking on my door

Came home from school one day, afraid to find you

Thought you'd be dangling from your own web, in a big white barn

Now you dangle, dead to me. Yet calling. Crying.

I've wept this well dry

My penny didn't land in the wishing well

I've learned to leave "well enough" alone

So sorry. So sad. 

You lost me, now I can't stop wandering

Forgiveness, I've poured out, time and again

Judgement, I've given to God. Acceptance, Yes

But then I see underneath it all waits a little girl.

Peek-a-boo, do you see me? Can you feel my aching heart?

To live with this pain. Always there, always absent.

A dull ache and a hot dry lonesome tear.

There is healing, in the stirring waters

You were there; not there.

He's taken in this orphan, rocked me to sleep, soothed my soul

Yet you, So broken, so sad. Your choice

And I pour out my vial

Salty tears from the bottom of this broken cup.

© Jena Rutan 2015. All rights reserved. 

Scripture references are from the NASB.

Infinity's Thread

This thread of infinity, always present like ribbons of wind

A jet stream that swirls and leaves

I'll surf on the crest as long as I breathe

Please Holy Spirit lead

It's Your gift 

Moving my lungs and pumping each beat

Of my life...

The same one who raised life from death

Opens my nostrils at the start of each new day

You pull back that starry curtain to showcase Your loving embrace

And time never changes to You

Outside of our sunsets and new moons you stand

Always unchanging, forever unwavering, never relenting

In pursuit of my heart

Eternal reminders wrapped up in your fringes

The shadow of those wings is where I find rest

These days beat on by, like the blink of my eye

Rhythm and speed want to overtake me

Yet I look to the blue and remember what's true

The devoted One who is Father and Son

The Spirit I breathe, yes He understands

My Author, Sustainer, Ally, and Father

I bless You Lord heart, life, my strength 

And time never changes to You

Outside of our sunsets and new moons you stand

Always unchanging, forever unwavering, never relenting

In pursuit of my heart

My lips utter honor, my face transfixed

Without You nothing was made

Your hand hovered before time started to crawl

In that moment 

You already knew me

You already loved me

This extravagant love is outside my box

A brilliant rendering Oh Great Architect

Who reached down into time to give life to my simple soul 

This immense love, this intentional care, this greatest desire and love

I'm enamored by You

I'm drawn to Your kindness

I'm falling in love all over again

And time never changes to You

Outside of our sunsets and new moons you stand

Always unchanging, forever unwavering, never relenting

In pursuit of my heart

So is time really there? Is it one layered unfolding picture?

Your devotion and passion have always been there, after me

In the blink of Your eye all of time came and went

Our days are like flowers gleaming under your love

So Lord please honor this simple prayer

Teach me to number my days

Let me present to you a heart of wisdom

And time never changes to You

Outside of our sunsets and new moons you stand

Always unchanging, forever unwavering, never relenting

In pursuit of my heart

© Jena Rutan 2015. All rights reserved. 

Scripture references are from the NASB.

Patchwork Tapestry

It's been on my mind for several days

The way you knit hearts of healing

I'm seeing pieces of your quilt

Fragments of my life, parts of this small story

Lord you know me

When I arise and when I need sleep

You provide companions moment by moment

Your love pours out in friendship's twinkling eyes

Your love restores my soul

Squares of redemption covered in golden leaves

My bruised heart sewn beside, reflects a purple gown; treasures in heaven

Your tapestry is more than lovely 

Glimpse this heavenly art sketch and hope surges again

You love to take these broken patches

I've cried for what's lost and what'll never be

I've walked through weeks harboring melancholy 

But You oh Lord, knew me before I was knit

You fashioned my spirit, body, and heart

These broken squares, an unfinished masterpiece

You take rough edges and undone potential

You surge my frayed edges

Create beauty from sorrow

Your gold cord

Oh great weaver, bind me together

This three strand cord

After tattered edges are bound by Your balm

What's left?

I brought you brokenness and you've transformed it. 

A tapestry

Your love is what heals me

This is not the ending

The glory of God is commencing 

You restore, You renew

These broken patches are Your beginning

Your banner over me is love

An easy yoke

A patchwork cloak

© Jena Rutan 2015. All rights reserved. 

Scripture references are from the NASB.

All Eyes

Psalm 145:15 says, "The eyes of all look to You in hope; You give them their food as they need it."

The eyes of all look to You

Wildflowers and sparrows

Your goodness surpasses my imagination

When I ask for bread, you don't hand me stones

You give me beauty for ashes

You satisfy my heart with overwhelming joy,

Peace that explodes my finite mind,

Love that heals the broken places hidden deep inside my past. 

The eyes of all look to You

Kings and queens, the homeless child

You provide through each season of my soul

God you danced with joy when you knit me in the dark place, her womb

Each triumph and loss

With each small step

Your love hovered, surrounding me. 

When alone in the darkness of winter

Your smile still kept me warm

Your devotion is unwavering

Your acceptance surrounds me completely. 

I've felt that absence of love lost

Like dead leaves swirling on the ground

Rustling in circles of autumn wind

I've known emptiness and absence. 

Yet something else is stirring, like that wind

It's the rumble of your steadfast love

The whisper of your spirit like a falling flake of snow

You cover my scars with your blanket of love

Because —

Out of my ashes, out of my pain, out of my darkest days, you bring life!

Like a vibrant bulb shooting green through icy snow

Like the song of the robin heralding the sunrise

Like the firefly and cricket, singing lullabies

God you are there. 

Your love announces my new day

Your faithfulness escorts my limping step

You make me strong and you place my feet

You fill me with good things and I have no lack

You fill my spirit with the joy of your presence

You fill my soul with healing from your throne

And I overflow. 

Every need is fulfilled in your good time

I make it known. "I trust you."

When I was left, you stepped in and lifted me

You've  bound my brokenness and lavished me with unbound love

You have healed my sorrow

Now your goodness shines through. 

You are good

Your love never fails 

The eyes of all look to you

You satisfy my soul. 

© Jena Rutan 2015. All rights reserved. 

Scripture references are from the NASB.

Deep Blue

I am enjoying this warm sunny weather so much!! We are expecting snow again in a few more days! Whenever I get to absorb the sunshine, roll in laughter and discovery with my toddler son, and feel the blessing of my husband's love, these all remind me of the goodness of God. It is such a generous gift from our Creator, to be able to enjoy life; I am so grateful to have functioning faculties, with which I may experience the wonders of His creation! There are surely hardships which vary in degree and length, but these simple pleasures are exponential enough in the joy they deliver, to soothe any pain with the remembrance of God's love. These pure moments stir in my soul, the love and praise of our Eternal God, who is God of all gods.

"Praise the LORD! Praise the LORD from the heavens; Praise Him in the heights! Praise Him, all His angels; Praise Him, all His hosts! Praise Him, sun and moon; Praise Him, all stars of light! Praise Him, highest heavens, And the waters that are above the heavens! Let them praise the name of the LORD, For He commanded and they were created. He has also established them forever and ever; He has made a decree which will not pass away. Praise the LORD from the earth, Sea monsters and all deeps; Fire and hail, snow and clouds; Stormy wind, fulfilling His word; Mountains and all hills; Fruit trees and all cedars; Beasts and all cattle; Creeping things and winged fowl; Kings of the earth and all peoples; Princes and all judges of the earth; Both young men and virgins; Old men and children. Let them praise the name of the LORD, For His name alone is exalted; His glory is above earth and heaven. And He has lifted up a horn for His people, Praise for all His godly ones; Even for the sons of Israel, a people near to Him. Praise the LORD!"
Psalm 148

This joy, brings healing into my soul. Laughter IS good like a medicine after all. As I mentioned in my last post, I have had some struggles in my faith recently; dealing with the experience of acute pain in my life and those people near to my heart. I know that my questions are not too big for God, and that He is with me in my moments of weakness. So I ask these questions in confidence that He will show me His truth and reveal His love and faithfulness to me. [Therefore, . . . work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. Philippians 2:12-13] I had a nice walk in the sunshine with a friend yesterday, and we had the opportunity to talk a little. As we shared our struggles with each other, and encouraged each other, she graciously reminded me of several passages.

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cornthians 12:9-10 

 

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. Romans 5:3-6

 

He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Matthew 5:45b 

 

Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed. Hebrews 12:11-13

Additionally, my husband is a constant stream of encouragement; reminding me that the Lord does not promise to make our lives easy, but rather, He promises to be with us during all times.

[Jesus said,] "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." John 16:33

As my husband says, if we did not have faith during these times, who else would show a dark and hopeless world the light of love? Beyond this, I am coming to see once again that it is prudent upon us to choose to believe that God is with us, and that He does love us. When I see the glory of a bright blue sky encased by a mountainous horizon, I can feel His presence whispering truth and love into my heart; and I respond with thanks and praise. When faced with this simple reality, I must also believe that He does indeed exist, and He does indeed create beauty from nothing in order to display Himself to humanity and beckon me to Himself. I must believe that in spite of some of the most tragic occurances that can and DO unfold each and every day in this fallen world, the God who created us all, DOES love us and desire to relate with us — with me — on a personal level. He is waiting for me, and each of us, to simply believe in His redemption. What a good God.

© Jena Rutan 2010. All rights reserved. 

Scripture references are from the NASB.